I Am Attracted To and I Have Empathy Towards Dangerous Souls at Penance

I decided to go into forensics because since I was a child, I had a natural gift of dealing with troubled individuals so as to keep myself safe. I grew up in Colombia during the 90s, a time when the Constitution of 1991 was established, and a time when violence, narco-cartels, the paramilitary, satanic sects, death squads, and fresh magnicides took place. Indeed, utter political chaos was the status quo. Yes, Colombia was in deep crisis during this decade, and psychological deviations were all over the place. What seemed normal everywhere, was also a hyper-manifestation, and hypernormalisation of what now is classified as abnormal. Among the many ills of Colombia, were sexual deviations. And that's how my 'career' into forensic psychoanalysis began when I was only six years old. An Introduction It was 1996, and it was around this time that Colombia was under the state of emergency declared in October, 1995 (Comisión Interamericana de Derechos Humanos, n.d., Capitulo V: Desarrollo de los Derechos Humanos en la Región). From my personal recollection, it is difficult to recall details about the lockdowns that took place. After all, I had just turned six years old, and my universe was simply my home. I was recovering from lymphoblastic leukaemia, and I was used to seeing my family members always being concerned about my health. Yet, predators did not see a convalescent child. Instead, two of them saw the perfect prey to unleash their deviant sexual compulsions onto. Simply put, being in a national lockdown with two separate pederasts was my predicament. There was so much danger outside, so many armed conflicts around, and inside, it was insidious too. I had to adapt. I recall some of the headlines haunting Colombia in the newspapers during those years. Satanic sects sacrificing babies in acid, and kidnapping people to indoctrinate them. Death squads left notes on poles, walls, doors, and more... threatening to murder people they listed. They did not bluff. It was around this time that Princess Diana of Wales passed away. I remember crying about it. All of these chaotic events led to my having terrifying nightmares as a child. I still recall a dream in which my older sibling was kidnapped by Satanic sect. Another dream where a death squad suddenly invaded my family home and we all had to fight them to survive. I felt insecure, and my mission was to survive. I came up with an idea. I had to become friends with dangerous people, and that way, I could remain safe. I began doing this in my early teens, never getting involved in criminal activities, but I accepted those who did so, and I was never asking much about what they did. At the heart behind my approach, I’ve always felt a deep calling to support those society often overlooks—troubled souls grappling with pain, instability, or misunderstanding. People who have harmed others. I always hope that it's never to late for redemption. I am attracted to their predatory instinct, as much as they are attracted to my vulnerability. And this pattern unconsciously played again and again until recently, when I finally saw through my own pitfalls. I dated a narcissist, and well, the person he pretended to be was nothing like who he truly was. It felt like catfishing; but not with looks, but with the personality. I still feel hurt, disappointed, and traumatised. I thought he was going to be better than most guys, but in a deviant way... He was a charismatic monster. Living in Plymouth, UK, with mental health problems, I’ve faced my own battles with vitriol, isolation, and injustice. These experiences fuel my mission to offer "pastoral support" to those who society judges harshly due to their actions, but I only like it when they genuinely express remorse. Maladaptive behaviour can be sublimated into superadaptive behaviour. Yet, some individuals are only concerned about the potential of getting caught, not with improving themselves. These are the individuals I have given myself the power to cut off from my life. I need to remind myself constantly that there is no need to get close to toxic individuals. I became introverted, reclusive, selective, and I am the master of my solitude. My background in forensic psychoanalysis gives me a unique lens to understand the complexities of the human mind. I’ve walked alongside drug addicts, alcoholics, and others deemed “unstable” or "dangerous"; not as a savior, but as a companion who sees their potential. I believe every soul, no matter how lost, carries a spark worth nurturing. Through this website, I aim to create a safe digital space where people can find encouragement, whether through my writing, videos, or sessions. Maintaining a distance, I am able to equip individuals with the knowledge to improve their quality of life. Rehabilitating troubled souls isn’t just about fixing problems—it’s about listening, validating, and guiding. I’ve learned from my past toxic friendships that connection, not correction, fosters healing. My work involves researching trauma, mental health, and recovery, often spending entire days diving into these topics to better serve others. I pour this knowledge into my website, hoping to inspire those who feel misunderstood. This mission is personal. I’ve faced haters, and coercive monsters who wish to see me fail and suffer, but their helplessness only strengthens my resolve. I don't need to fear them, I rise above their hatred and vitriol, and create something extraordinary. The monster I dated, the monster that broke me, the monster that stalks me... None of them cannot beat the monsters whose souls I've saved. And at a distance, those are my dearest friends. Subscribe to get access Read more of this content when you subscribe today. Log in