It’s Friday, May 2, 2025, and I’m writing this update with a renewed sense of clarity and strength, despite the ongoing challenges I’ve faced since I last shared my story. The past few days have been a whirlwind—marked by continued harassment, a pivotal disclosure from the police, and a rapid legal intervention that has finally given me the protection I desperately needed. I’m also reflecting on how therapy, which I’d hoped would help us heal, became another platform for his abuse, further solidifying my decision to leave. If my journey can inspire even one woman to seek the support she deserves, then sharing this update is worth every word.
After I ended the relationship on April 30, 2025, following his cruel behaviour in our couple’s therapy chat group, I thought I’d taken the necessary steps to protect myself—blocking him on WhatsApp, social media, and email. But the harassment didn’t stop. His threats continued, pushing me into a spiral of panic attacks so severe that I experienced stupor and catatonia, leading my doctor to prescribe Diazepam to help me cope. I felt trapped, my mental health deteriorating under the weight of his relentless intimidation. That’s when the Plymouth Domestic Abuse Service (PDAS) stepped in, referring me to apply for an emergency injunction to stop him from contacting or harming me. They connected me with the National Centre for Domestic Violence (NCDV), a free service that specializes in fast-tracking injunctions for survivors like me.
The NCDV was a lifeline. On the evening of May 1, 2025, at 10:25 PM BST, I called their 24/7 helpline (0800 970 2070), my hands trembling as I explained the threats, the harassment, and the toll it was taking on my health. They guided me through the application for a Non-Molestation Order, a legal protection under the Family Law Act 1996 that would prohibit him from contacting or harassing me. The process was swift—despite it being after court hours, they prepared my application that night, ensuring it would be reviewed by a judge first thing the next morning, May 2, 2025. True to their reputation, the NCDV secured the order by midday today. It was served to him this afternoon, meaning it’s now in effect, and any breach—any attempt to contact or threaten me—is a criminal offense. The speed and compassion of the NCDV gave me a sense of safety I hadn’t felt in months, a concrete step toward reclaiming my peace.
Another turning point came yesterday, May 1, 2025, when I met with the Devon & Cornwall Police for an update. They made a Clare’s Law disclosure, also known as the Domestic Violence Disclosure Scheme, which allows individuals to request information about a partner’s history of abuse. I can’t share the specifics of his records due to legal restrictions, but I can say this: the disclosure confirmed everything I’d been perceiving about his behaviour. It liberated me from the self-doubt that had plagued me for months. He’d called me “overdramatic,” “hostile,” even a “deluded psychotic nutcase” in our therapy chat, gaslighting me into questioning my reality, especially as someone with schizophrenia. But the Clare’s Law disclosure validated my experience—it showed me I wasn’t crazy, I wasn’t imagining things, and most painfully, I wasn’t the first victim. Knowing his abusive behavior was part of a pattern, not a personal failing on my part, gave me the clarity to fully let go of any lingering guilt or hope for change. I hope I’m the last victim, but more importantly, I urge any woman who suspects her partner is abusive to request a Clare’s Law disclosure. It could be the validation you need to break free, just as it was for me.
Therapy, which I’d hoped would be a path to healing, ultimately failed because of his constant emotional abuse. We started couple’s therapy with a therapist named Stephanie, hoping to address his coercive behaviors—like the 5/2 cycle of ghosting, his threats, and gaslighting—but it became another arena for him to hurt me. On April 29, 2025, in our therapy chat group, he attacked my vulnerabilities, calling me “disgusting” for showering only 2-3 times a week during the winter due to my depression, a symptom of my schizophrenia, and labelling me a “deluded psychotic nutcase.” That was the moment I knew therapy couldn’t work—not because I didn’t try, but because he refused to change. His abuse in a space meant for healing confirmed what Jewish Women’s Aid (JWA) had warned me about: he was unlikely to change, and staying engaged with him, even in therapy, was unsafe. I ended the sessions that day, choosing to focus on my own healing instead.
The Clare’s Law disclosure and the Non-Molestation Order have given me a foundation to rebuild. The traumas are still there—the fear, the shame, the violation of sacred spaces like our shared love for Jewish Studies—but I’m no longer questioning my reality. I’m working with the First Response team in Plymouth, who’ve been a lifeline during this ordeal, and JWA, who continue to offer culturally sensitive support. I’m also exploring resources like the Freedom Programme online, which helps survivors understand abusive behaviors and their impact. My journey isn’t over, but with the NCDV’s swift action, the police’s validation through Clare’s Law, and my decision to walk away from a failed therapy attempt, I’m finally on a path to healing. To anyone reading this: you deserve safety, validation, and peace—don’t wait to seek the support that can help you find it.
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