All the time, permanently… I live in an unstable emotional state. This is exhausting. I experience a lot on a daily basis. I feel constantly fatigued and tired too. While there is no known cure for this tribulation, it is possible to manage the symptoms and improve overall well-being.
Borderline personality disorder (BPD), also known as Emotionally Unstable Personality Disorder (EUPD) is a chronic mental illness characterised by instability in emotions, relationships, and self-image. People with BPD often experience intense and fluctuating emotions, have difficulty regulating their emotions, and struggle with impulsive behaviours. It is important to note that BPD is a complex disorder and can manifest differently in each individual. For more in-depth definitions and descriptions, please read my academic article “Women Who Are Mad”.
My emotions are always incredibly intense. The roller coaster is very real in my routine; with only some elements present with great stability such as my lack of care towards myself and my constant confusion in regards to who I am. Furthermore, I experience feelings of depression almost every day, and continually feel stuck in a self-neglecting dynamic. Clinically, I am unwell; and knowing that there isn’t a magic cure for how I feel demotivates me. I want to feel better. As a matter of fact, I want to be normal.
Yet, every day reminds me of my abnormality. Some might perceive my personality as ‘eccentric’; nevertheless, I see it as simply dysfunctional. My every day is heavy and sometimes foggy. I never know who I am, my identity confuses me. I still hope that one day I will be okay, and that I won’t suffer as much as I currently do.
Being diagnosed with BPD was something I did not process to begin with until many years later. The longer it gets, the more I comprehend my disorder. And the more frustrated I feel at not being able to feel better immediately, or later. Simply, it is like living with a chronic pain condition. You can only learn to live with it, cope with it, and ease the symptoms if you are lucky.
Recovery from BPD is a gradual process, and it requires patience, perseverance, and commitment. With the right treatment and support, many individuals with BPD are able to lead fulfilling lives and experience a reduction in symptoms. It’s essential to remember that seeking help is a crucial step towards managing BPD and improving overall mental health. I hope that by taking these steps, I can live normally one day.
What happens when we die? This video introduces the concept of death anxiety, a psychoanalytical description of the fear of death experienced at least unconsciously by all.
The world is full of mental health diagnoses, and each day these are becoming more common as more people get diagnosed with a condition affecting their daily life. Nevertheless, little attention is given to how the system of psychiatric nomenclatures goes on to perpetuate the very pathologies they claim to treat.
psychosis
A person might think they are normal, until they are told they are not. That is, until a diagnosis is given which reinforces the very patterns of behaviours which the clinician is attempting to treat or make absent. As a matter of fact, it isn’t until people are given diagnoses that they begin to identify with specific sets of behaviour. In a way, the clinician prescribes such sets of behaviours when they— often forcibly— attribute a label to a human being who might just be having a hard time.
People have rough times, and sometimes during such rough times, people might act in ways which are out of character; that is, unusual patterns of behaviour which express distress. Nonetheless, the average diagnosis will limit a person’s personality to a criteria which can indeed narrow a person’s imagination and hamper their very dreams.
Is the system creating individuals who are different by labelling them when they are teenagers? Psychology shows us that teenagers are still in major developmental stages where personality and character, among many other traits, become more defined. A label can really throw a teenager off that trajectory and influence their identity to a point in which the human being might feel that all they are is what the label prescribes.
For instance, the diagnoses of personality disorder have somehow made it through so scientific rigour; yet, even the concept of it begins to disintegrate in psychiatric nomenclatures such as the ICD-11. Clinicians can at times forget that behind every label given, there is a human being with a complex life of his or her own. They, thus, enslave an individual to a pattern regardless of the consequences this may have on their general wellbeing.
As someone who has been labelled, I can tell that being ‘marked’ as disordered since I was a teenager affected my identity. It simply affected me more than I could express. It attempted to wash away the uniqueness of my personality, and it tried to box me into a criteria that I did not even fully meet. Now that I am in my thirties, I have come to analyse how the iatrogenic effects affected my development, and I can honestly say that sometimes I think I would have been better off away from the system and not being diagnosed in the first place.
I was only 17 years old when I was labelled. At such an age, I was still forming ‘me’, and being given such a set of criteria only added elements which perhaps might never have appeared if it was not for the neoliberal touch of intervention. But I am not the only one, and apart from everything mentioned already, stigma is also a definite cause for distress in labelled individuals. What for the clinician might be a random job at the office, can become a devastating, life-changing event for the human being being subjugated to an external opinion about their internal functioning. In a way, the clinician creates the pathology by giving a label.
From 2019-2022 I studied forensic psychology with the Open University, and during my time there I experienced a series of attacks and attitudinal obstacles which added great tribulation to my already vulnerable life.
As someone diagnosed with mental health problems, I knew that studying an academic degree was not going to be easy; however, I never expected to experience the levels of fascism and even nazism emerging from the staff. Nazism? you may be asking, but that is exactly what they promoted through their curriculum.
As someone who comes from a lineage of holocaust survivors, I felt in incredible pain when the university told me I had no choice but to get on with using (like everyone else) the IBM SPSS software. I explained to them that the company IBM was directly involved in the orchestration of the Jewish, European holocaust. Instead of responding empathically, a tutor critically said that my behaviour was ‘emotional‘ as if such was a negative human trait. It was and continues to be my impression that being callous and unemotional was the true social problem, not my behaviour.
I asked them to please allow me to use Jamovi, a Linux-based alternative software which did all the work the IBM SPSS software did. They were extremely and oddly fixated on the brand IBM, more so than about the social repercussions the situation had on me. They decided to become authoritarian and banned me from the student forums; and eventually they refused to educate me or to allow me to finish my degree with them.
Needless to say, I was shattered, and to this day I am still recovering from the Nazi traumas they imprinted on my soul forever. All I wanted was to become a forensic psychologist. Nevertheless, they were nazi, cruel, and callous in every single one of their decision-making processes; ultimately leaving a Jew in limbo and consciously breaching a vulnerable individual’s human right to education in the process without any empathy or remorse. Perhaps that’s how they teach their students about psychopathy; that is, by becoming themselves the destructive force which ruins lives.
According to the British Psychological Society (n.d.) the Power Threat Meaning Framework applies to everyone. This framework was initially created as an alternative to more traditional psychiatric nomenclatures. This model is trauma-informed and it is utilised by high profile hospitals such as Rampton Hospital (Willmot and Siddall, 2022).
The framework consists in asking four initial questions, which answers can then be re-used to answer the two final questions. Willmot and Siddall (2022, pp. 32-33) state that the framework can also be ‘applied to understanding the needs of people who offend or behave in challenging ways’. The framework makes some assumptions about trauma:
Mental illness and behavioural problems can be understood by analysing the role of power abuse.
Much of what we know as psychopathology can also be understood as learned responses people have developed to adapt or survive to adverse circumstances.
Power
The framework looks into the negative operation of power in a holistic way based on a person’s narrative. It is recognised that power can be biological/embodied, coercive, economic, social, cultural, and interpersonal. It also recognises that much of this reality is configured to privilege ‘white, male, heterosexual, wealthy, educated, and mentally healthy people’ (Willmot and Siddall, 2022, pp. 32-33).
Threat
Threat within the scope of this framework refers to the risks related to abuses of power which can prevent a person from meeting their core needs. There are several types of threats such as physical, economic, health, social, emotional, quality of life, disability, or deprivation threats. These threatening events or potentials can lead to relational dysfunctions, disrupted attachments, abandonment fears; feelings of betrayal, shame, guilt, insecurity, and entrapment.
Meaning
The framework is also person-centred, and recognises that every individual is unique. This leads to the assumption that people interpret events and give meaning to these events in unique ways. For instance, male and women due to societal stereotypes might have different expectations for behaviour. Different cultures give different meaning to different events, for instance, some cultures would engage in honour-abuse of girls who have been sexually assaulted. Therefore, the social, environmental, and political contexts all influence meaning.
Framework
The framework posits that much of what we know as psychopathology are responses people develop to perceived threats in order to cope and/or survive (Willmot and Siddall, 2022). Ultimately, people at times develop specific habits, behaviours, or personality patterns as a result of their unmet needs. Hence, this framework seeks to ask some questions which answers can elucidate the unique perspective of the individual, potential power abuse triggers, as well as unique needs that must be met. These are the questions:
What has happened to you? (i.e. How is power operating in your life?)
How did it affect you? (i.e. What kind of threats did this pose?)
What sense did you make of it? (i.e. What is the meaning of these situations and experiences to you?)
What did you have to do to survive? (i.e. What kind of threat responses are you using?)
What are your strengths? (i.e. What access to power resources do you have?)
What is your story? (i.e. Pulling of these reflections together)
These questions allow for the understanding of how a person has experienced abuses of power, the threats that resulted from such dynamics, the unique meaning a person gave to these events, and the specific threat responses that were developed as a result, as well as the strengths. Having this information in place, proactive support plans can be formulated ensuring that all interventions are trauma-informed, and person-centred.
Victims are being thrown into jail for disclosing their experiences of domestic abuse.
I recently had a deep conversation with a dear friend from Canada, whose name I will keep confidential. We were talking about narcissistic relationships and narcissistic abuse. I explained to her the status of domestic abuse in the UK, where previous to 2021 before the Domestic Abuse Act 2021 was passed, most domestic abusers got away with their crimes. I was curious to understand what the situation in Canada is about domestic abuse. The Canadian Women Foundation (2021) posits that every six days, a woman is killed in Canada as a result of domestic violence.
I was horrified to find out that the government is currently arresting both perpetrators and victims of domestic abuse simultaneously. What this means is that when a victim of domestic abuse calls the police for help in Canada, the victim is also placed in jail and if they have children, they are automatically placed in foster care. I was shocked, I could not believe the level of fascism that is taking place in Canada. My first thought was ‘how is the Canadian government getting away with these human rights violations’? As a founding member of the United Nations charter, Canada has international commitments to maintain peace and security.
My friend disclosed to me that a few years ago she had been arrested and placed in jail for three days for calling the police about domestic abuse and to report her perpetrator. It seemed, the police could not make up their minds about how to tackle domestic abuse, so they decided to give equal punishment to both the victim and the perpetrator. This is unacceptable, since there exist international conventions which place a duty on the Canadian government to protect victims. However, what they are doing instead is victimising those who have been abused.
I decided to conduct a little research about it, and found that many women are going through this in Canada, not just my friend. For instance, the Ending Violence Association of British Columbia (EVA BC; 2022a) deals with cases of domestic abuse and coordinates interventions to help victims. They have a Community Coordination for Women’s Safety (CCWS) program which formulates and implements strategies to support victims of domestic abuse (EVA BC; 2022b). The CCWS (2010) wrote a report which corroborated my friend’s story. The report (p. 2) states:
‘In recent years, CCWS and EVA BC have received numerous reports from communities of cases involving the arrest of both parties in relationship violence situations. These communities have contacted us to express their concern. They report that women are being arrested even when there is evidence of a history of violence by their male partners’.
Furthermore, they explain the impact that such situation has, such as:
Less prosecution for these cases.
More liability for police services.
Empowerment of the perpetrator to continue the abuse.
Victimisation of victims.
Increased potential for homicide.
Decreased likelihood that victims will disclose or seek help.
Thwarted access to justice for victims.
Thwarted attempts to access support for victims.
Similarly, the Woman Abuse Council of Toronto (2005) published a report where they highlight the problematic situation of victims of domestic abuse being charged with domestic violence whilst living with abusive men. They made several recommendations which included:
To take into consideration that women’s use of force is not the same as men’s (often, violence arising from women was self-defence).
That when it comes to arrests, the dominant aggressor should be identified in a relationship where domestic abuse has taken place.
That there need to be mechanisms in place to ensure that victims are able to access support services and victim services, which are thwarted by criminalising the victim.
That more legal aid should be available to women.
Finally, and more recently Grace (2019) reported around the same problematic, persistent, and pervasive issues related to the inappropriate arrests of women in domestic abuse cases. The article explains that whilst the police has a duty to identify the dominant aggressor in a relationship, women continue to be inappropriately arrested in situations of intimate partner violence. She states: ‘Women experience these failures by police as betrayal. Some even feel the police become complicit to their on-going abuse. As a result, women who have been inappropriately charged in situations of intimate partner violence say they would be unwilling to turn to the police for protection in the future, even if they are again victims of violence’. Furthermore, she provides 18 case studies and accounts of this situation.
As it can be seen in this post, the situation of domestic abuse in Canada is a mess. My friend was one of those people who were inappropriately arrested, and who now feels that no one can protect her from domestic violence, because the police themselves are being abusive of their power. This type of human rights violation should not happen in theory, but in practice, as it has been demonstrated, injustice is an everyday experience for many women in Canada. This situation has been going on for a long time, and despite recommendations and updates to policies, it continues to affect victims and to silence their voices through state-sponsored fascism.
Ending Violence Association of British Columbia (2022) ‘About us’ [Online]. Available at https://endingviolence.org/about-us/ (accessed 21 April 2022).
